Tag Archives: Wolverine

NSFW: Wolverine’s Lap Dance

I wrestled with whether or not I would put this on my blog given how absolutely SUPER NSFW it was.  Ultimately, I decided that it was my duty to help Brent Ray Fraser show off his booty… and other unnamed body parts.

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This will be your one and ONLY warning: do NOT watch this in the company of those below the age of consent and most assuredly NOT around anybody who may or may not have a say in whether or not you keep your job the next morning.

Full video, after the jump.  Also?  You’re welcome:

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Dogs of the Marvel Universe

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Because there has GOT to be a parallel universe where this MUST exist, gifted illustrator and art director, Josh Lynch, brings to life some high-profile Marvel heroes and villains in the form of dogs!  These canine comic book characters hit all the right notes and make you just want to bring them home to poop on your carpet, tear through your home and potentially either save or ruin the day.

If I had to levy any criticism on these fantastic pieces, it’s that it’s one big sausage-fest.  Where’s Phoenix?  Where’s Rogue?  WHERE’S STORM?!?!?


2016

2016


ESPN’s Naked Avengers

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Every year, ESPN has a “Body Issue” where it celebrates the amazing bodies of athletes.  It’s a time when they stop to admire the vast potential of the human form and unapologetically stand in awe of the athletes who’ve pushed their physiques to profound frontiers.  It is also one of the few times I pay attention to the publication for what I think should be obvious and very naked reasons.

This year, was a spectacular goody bag filled with geeky surprises.  ESPN asked Marvel to create naked illustrations of some of their super-powered heroes for an insert they like to call: The Superhero Edition.  Axel Alonso, Marvel Comics’ editor-in-chief stated:

When comic book artists imagine the physical ideal, they have to start somewhere – and let’s face it, professional athletes, whose bodies are fine-tuned instruments, are the closest thing to real-life Super Heroes.  Marvel’s Body Issue insert is a celebration of the most iconic Super Heroes in the world and the athletes that inspired them.

Damn right, Axel and thank the Marvel Gods (not to mention talented artists) for bringing these 9 Naked Avengers into focus.  That image of Luke cage and Daredevil just does naughty things to my brain.  It’s a shame the artist didn’t keep sketching.  Finger’s crossed that the X-Men strip down next year!  Why?  Because reasons!

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X-Force Movie in the Works?

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Not to steer away from the premier of the 2nd Avengers movie (of which I already have tickets to, thank you very much), but I couldn’t help but start piecing together this idea of an impending X-Force movie.  The time seems right and the many parts are slowly coming together.

Now, I’m not talking about the original X-Force team which was basically The New Mutants on steroids with the help of Cable.  I’m talking about the group of covert assassins that Wolverine bunched together to take out threats before they BECOME threats.  Permanently.  Besides, I SO don’t wanna give too many nods to the original creator of that team, Rob Liefeld, since he basically lost his shit purely because one of the characters he created, turned out to be gay.. or bi… I forget which but basically Shatterstar likes boys.  Rob’s official quote in fact was:

“As the guy that created, designed and wrote his first dozen appearances, Shatterstar is not gay. Sorry. Can’t wait to someday undo this..”

Massive douche-waffle, am I right?  Moving right along…

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We know that 20th Century Fox registered XForceMovie.com or the like, many years ago and basically been sitting on it all this time as they cranked out other X-flicks.  Given that the upcoming X-Men : Apocalypse would be the 3rd entry into the X-Men First Class trilogy, they would need to take the X-Franchise into another direction and to me, this seems like the most obvious direction.

Take into consideration the recent surge of new mutants popping up in the film’s universe; Archangel, Psylocke and even Deadpool who’s getting his own movie.  That makes up about half of the no-holds-barred superhero team.

Granted, the team is led by Wolverine and Hugh Jackman is only donning the claws one more time, but who’s to say that we won’t see Cable pop up during X-Men : Apocalypse?  He and Apocalypse have gone toe-to-toe more times than I can count, and it would be a perfect story line to introduce the time-displaced mutant.

Seem kind of a long shot?  Maybe; but keep in mind that X-Force is meant to be completely covert.  Even the main X-Men teams in the comic books didn’t know about their existence until Wolverine was forced to come out of the closet with what they’ve been doing.  Given that the 3 characters above exist in the X-Films’ origins timeline, the group could conceivably come together during the first X-Men film and only Professor X knows about it.

This is pure speculation on the part of an overly zealous lover of all things X-Men, but I like to think it’s an educated guess.  Besides, no one likes to do the “I Told You So” dance more than me.  Mark my words: it’s real, it’s happening, get into it!

Sidebar: Also a spectacular opportunity to introduce Wolverine’s clone: X23!

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Sexy Superheroes

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Am I entirely wrong for finding some of these comic book variants a little hot?  I’ve been living and breathing some of these “Supermen” since I was a kid so it stands to reason that I would develop a not-altogether-healthy fascination with them, right?  Especially Colossus of the X-Men.  I know I spoke about him ever so briefly but I really need to get on a post of why he is literally the hottest superhero “alive”…. ok, I got distracted again.

At any rate, these variant covers are insane levels of awesome.  I am especially fond of the Batnipples Cover simply because it pays tribute to one of Janet Jackson’s best albums: “Janet”.  There’s more than a few more if you follow the link below, but I think they would definitely exceed the PG-13 rating I’m trying to hold on to for dear life with my posts, so I’m just gonna stop with this Wolverine one for now.  RAWR!

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Full Story HERE courtesy of Comic Book Resources.


Uncanny X-Cars

OMG, I GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT!!!

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Or rather an accident almost got into me…. sort of… well… look, it’s a long story.  The Cliff’s Notes version is a truck got cut off, jack-knifed on the freeway and slip-and-slided (is that even a word?) across multiple lanes of traffic, including the one I was in.  I ended up with 2 flat tires, fucked up brakes and a “commuter innocence” that can never be reclaimed!  Despite the harrowing ordeal, I’m still making the 1.5 – 2 hour commute to work.  YES, it takes me that long!  Have you ever driven up the 405 freeway in Los Angeles?  It’s ridunk!  You wanna hear me bitch for hours?  Ask me about my commute.

But I digress.

The point is, now my mind has started inexplicably assigning comic book characters to the autos I deal with on the freeway.  Maybe it’s a coping mechanism, maybe a pseudo PTSD from the even triggered something in my brain, or maybe it’s just cuz I’m a geek of the highest order and that’s just what I do.  Regardless of the wherefores involved, this is real… this is happening… GET INTO IT!

The Colossus

THIS is the culprit behind my woes.  To be fair, it’s the car that cut off THIS, but still THIS is the image blurred into my memory.  Like Piotr Rasputin, these semi’s are just these big, stumbling (albeit powerful) hunks of steel just barreling down the road.  I’m always really surprised though that these guys aren’t ALWAYS in the slow lane.  We have some very adventurous truckers throwing caution to the wind and living it up in the fast lanes.  Why?  Why must you do this to me?  You dudes are entirely too massive to be going that fast!

Author’s Note: I feel it should be mentioned that this generalization should in no way be viewed as reflective of my personal feelings towards Colossus.  He was my first comic book crush and I will always have a soft spot for his hard spots.

The Quicksilver

I’m always weary of these cars.  Usually it’s a silver BMW, Audi or (gag) Jetta.  Few things irritate me more than these obnoxious vehicles, especially on the freeway. Magneto’s annoying little pissant, Quicksilver, fits the bill perfectly.  8 times out of 10, I find them driven by these snot-nosed kids who CLEARLY didn’t pay for the car themselves but are being funded by their ridiculously well off parents who have given these wonderful specimens of automobiles to their tweens in hopes that it will set them off on the right path in life.  I think the parents are trying to instill a sense of success or some other bullshit to propel their spawns into a bright future.  You know: go to college, earn a masters, get a good paying job, be married with 2.5 kids and dog.  That sort of thing.  But really, they’re just racing down the road (freeway or not) with the entitlement that can only be bought by a household that earns a relatively high 6 figure income.

Wow… that was pretty ragey.  Especially given the fact that some of these “Quicksilver” types on the road are my friends.  I suspect my Facebook friend count may drop 2-3 numbers after reading this.  Oh well. Truth hurts. Moving on.

The Destiny

By the Bright Lady, I hate these things!  Is it just me or is every car on the road that is powder blue always going at least 10 miles less than the speed limit, taking forever to make left turns at signals, and is somehow always getting to an intersection RIGHT when the lights turn red?  This is why these slow sons-of-bitches are represented by Destiny.  Like Irene Adler, these cars usually have a pretty smokin’ body but peek behind that mask, and it’s this old lady that can just afford nice things.  It kills me because OMG how jealous am I of their car?  But you need to usually be pretty advanced in your years to afford what they drive…. orrrrrr, be the aforementioned Quicksilver and have mumsy and dadsy buy it for you.

Damn, there’s that rage again.  Where’s my Xanax?

The Wolverine

Oh yeah.  This is happening.  I am forever running into the “Soccer Mom” archetype that invariably drives the RED SUV.  I’m not saying that all “Soccer Moms” drive this.  Just the ones that grace me with their presence.  These ladies truly epitomize Wolverine’s berserker rage.  They can and WILL do anything to get where they need to be.  They will speed down the road.  They will cut you off.  They will make U-turns that end up becoming 3-point turns in a very busy intersection because “Whoops, I missed the turn into Whole Foods, again!”.  You need to be careful of these RED SUV’s.  They will do whatever they need to and they will justify it by the fact that they “have a family and kids to take care of” and there’s apparently just not enough hours in the day to obey traffic laws.

Seriously, dem bitches be cray cray!

So yay, that was cathartic and borderline bigoted.  I feel so much better.  Now that I’ve ostracized a good population of the world, I feel it necessary to fry up some bacon in self-congratulatory celebration.  Mucho appreciate to the creators of the comic book images I used.  Especially Jim Lee’s rendition of Colossus.

And if you don’t know who Jim Lee is, we can’t be friends.

Baiiiiii.