Drama Queens of Darkness


That graphic is a little misleading but I couldn’t help myself or my pseudo graphic-design prowess.  In the event you watched last night’s mid-season premier of Once Upon a Time, you would know that Regina is NOT the additional Queen of Darkness this new story refers to.  In the interest of not giving away who that is (even though it’s basically plastered all over their many websites and Facebook page), I won’t point out who the obvious candidate is.  Rather than go over the twist and turn’y plot points of yesternight’s episode, I’d rather vent.  Yes.  VENT.

Any fan of the show gets that Once Upon a Time tends to borrow very loosely from established Disney canon of these timeless fairy tales; which is funny considering the fact that Disney also borrows even MORE loosely from those aforementioned fairy tales.  We all know they don’t always live happily ever after.  In fact, most of them are a little disturbed which I suppose serves to fulfill their actual intent, which is to scare kids into behaving.  In effect, this show is kind of like taking a photocopy of a photocopy.  It just doesn’t feel as genuine as the original.

Literary musings aside, what is UP with Ursela?!?  I literally CAN’T with her.  I Chaka Khan’t in fact!  With all due respect, and a little bit of envy to the gorgeous woman playing her, can we talk about her whole look?

First off is that outfit. What in GAWD’s name is it supposed to be?  She’s wearing a green throw-away from Party City along with her mom’s uggliest effing skirt.  Then the “CGI Costumes Department” decided to attach 2 tentacles at her side.  I imagine they chose to never mind the fact that Ursela’s character should have decidedly more slimy, suction-cupped appendages; two should give the audience the gist.


And then there’s the hair.  I can’t with that hair.  I am literally the Little Engine That Can’t Even.  Why is it long?  Why is it blond?  Why is it crimpy?  Ursela’s should be short with a slight wave and scream of possible lesbian.  I suppose they needed to make up a believable version of the Sea Witch where the hair could translate to the real world, but why decide to go full on Mary J Blige?  I also didn’t realize they had peroxide available under the sea.


I don’t know.  Is it just me or do the writers of Once Upon a Time like making classic villains and heroes don a blond wig?  Heck, Maleficent has blond hair under that fabulous, new, say-something-hat of hers.  And don’t even get me started on the Wicked Witch of the West.  I mean, WHY make her strawberry-blond?  I’ve never known the Wicked Witch to be anything other than brunette.  More to the point, if we’re meant to believe that she’s related to Regina, the Wicked Queen, wouldn’t her having raven flowing locks, be easier to believe?  HELLO?!?


…. ok…. I’ve calmed down… sort of.

The story is just getting a little crazy these days and I can’t help but feel like there’s been one too many times the writers have exploited their collective artistic license.  The frustrating part is that I will continue to watch and be captivated because (1) Disney (2) Bad Ass Diva’s with Powers and (3) Colin O’Donoghue is painfully GORGEOUS!!!

They should’ve just cast Latrice Royale from RuPaul’s Drag Race and called it a day.


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